How to Win Friends and Influence People

How To Win Friends and Influence People – Chapter 7

“An easy way to become a good conversationalist

Here we go again. A great tag line that leads your mind to wander as to what the secret is.  Is it one of those great African Proverbs?  Maybe a snippet from the biblical Proverb? Or maybe it’s an ancient Chinese secret as The Karate Kid movie says?  Maybe it’s just basic common sense written from a creative perspective that helps us to have a desire to follow along.

Well the notable answer was a combination of all.  The basic premise is, do what you want others to do – Listen.  Listen and not interrupt.  However the scenarios profiled help to make this basic skill entertaining.  In college I was taught the skill of active listening as a means of ensuring that we understand information being conveyed.  This chapter is conveying the same information but has packaged it in a manner that details the benefits to the listener as well as the talker.

Here are a few of the quotes and questions to consider regarding Chapter 7.

Notable Quotable:

1. “Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is so flattering as that.” – Charles W. Eliot

2.  “They have been so much concerned with what they are going to say next that they do not keep their ears open. … Very important people have told me that they prefer good listeners to good talkers, but the ability to listen seems rarer than almost any other good trait.” – Isaac F. Marcosson

3.  “So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested.” – Dale Carnegie

Questions For Reflection:

1.  What did former Harvard President Charles W. Eliot say is the secret of a successful business interview?

2.  How did Edward Bok become a successful magazine editor with only 6 years of schooling?

3.  What did the author ask you to remember when you are talking to someone?

Strategies For Success: 

Listen.  Look into their eyes and remove all distractions. Listen. 

Til next time,

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” – Mohandas Gandhi

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Chapter 6: How To Win Friends and Influence People

“If you don’t do this, you are headed for trouble”

The title reads as if a giant neon sign is facing you in the road displaying, “Stop, danger ahead if you go this way!”  Both strike your immediate attention.

Unlike the road sign, the title makes you wonder what is store for you within the pages that make up this chapter.  Think of the possibilities that could be highlighted – we know it isn’t smile because that has been covered.  So to solve the mystery, we read on.

And what was the thing you must do to prevent heading for trouble?  Like smiling it was a simple act of courtesy – calling others by their name.  What I enjoy most about the first few chapters are that they remind us to be better, then we will receive better.

Dale Carnegie reminds us that simple acts beget extraordinary results. Below are a few note worthy quotes and questions for reflection.  I hope you find them useful as you strive to Win Friends and Influence people.

Notable Quotable:
1.  “Jim Farley discovered early in life that the average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together. Remember that name and call it easily, and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment. But forget it or misspell it—and you have placed yourself at a sharp disadvantage.” – Dale Carnegie 

2.  “Most people don’t remember names, for the simple reason that they don’t take the time and energy necessary to concentrate and repeat and fix names indelibly in their minds.” – Dale Carnegie

3.  “One of the first lessons a politician learns is this: “To recall a voter’s name is statesmanship. To forget it is oblivion.” – Dale Carnegie

4.  “Good manners are made up of petty sacrifices.” – Emerson

Questions for Reflection:
1.  Jim Farley never had a formal education but he became successful.  What was his key to success?

2.  What was the reason for Andrew Carnegie’s success according to author?  How can you incorporate this skill into your life?

3.  What is one way to warm up a corporation?  How can this same technique assist you in improving your business and casual relationships?

4. What are some examples of things that people use so that their name will be remembered or recognized?

5.  Time for self analysis – do you remember the names of the people you regularly interact with either at work, school, or at the gym?

6.  What are a few techniques Napoleon utilized to remember others names?  What are some techniques you use? If this an area of weakness for you, which techniques would you like to try?

Strategy for Success:

Pay attention to the names attached to the name badges employees wear at each place of business you visit for the next week.  Make the effort to call them by their name.  Write their reaction in your journal.  At the end of the week, how did you feel?
Til next time,

“The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual.” – Dale Carnegie


My Passion Planner Story

I have a confession to make. I am not doing well with my plan to stay organized.  Previously, I made the case for organization and gave myself an ambitious plan to get there.  Like most people who attempt a new habit, I lost my battle.  I had to face the truth that while my intentions were good, I still had deficits in the actual day to day implementation.  Recognizing I had a problem, I decided to take action.  I have heard it said that we are only as good as our tools so I upgraded one of my most important business tools – I again chose to employ a technique I utilize at my work for my transition into a small business owner.

Fast forward a few days and the day I have waited for has finally arrived.  Delivery day! Not of a baby or a puppy but a bittersweet delivery none the less. My USPS envelope held something I have looked at and debated about for just under one year.  Never in my life have I taken so long to make a decision on anything.

I have searched high and low on Pinterest comparing the merits of my delivery.
I have watched YouTube videos and reviews.
I have consulted trusted family and friends who use one religiously.
I have stalked the website and read each of the tips for its usage.
I even made my own suggestions for usage and then I placed the order.

What is this I have obsessed about?  It’s the Passion Planner.
Yes, I know – a Planner!  You know a paper calendar with the ability to track my to do lists and appointments.  Yes it has those functions but it also allows for planning your passions – business, school, household, etc.
There is space for mind mapping as well as instructions on how to actually complete a mind map known as the Passion Roadmap.
Now that it is here and in my hand, I find myself awe struck and temporarily immobilized.  But so excited to begin writing in its pages.  Before I do, I want to pick out a few of my favorite things about this planner:
1.  The not to do list found on the monthly calendar pages.  This is useful for those things we chant to ourselves or say we won’t do anymore but inevitably find ourselves giving in and saying no I will try it again tomorrow.
2.  The people to see and places to go areas on the monthly calendar.  I have determined that I will use this area to remind me of the list of things my kids have placed on our summer bucket list.
3.  The end of the month analysis pages. No thoughts on what will occur here other than an honest reflection of what I was able to accomplish or not accomplish this month.
4.  Weekly and daily focus spaces.  This is one of the features I am most interested in using.  At first thought I will include affirmations or quotes of the day but as time progresses I may change that plan.
5.  Separate personal and work to do list areas each week with the ability to prioritize as well as identify errands.  I changed my persona to do list heading to family to do list and then revised the work to do list to the name of my business AND the tasks I need to complete to kick off my first product.
6.  An envelope attached at the back cover for receipts, post its or whatever.  An envelope is good for multiple things so I think it will either hold my business cards or business receipts.
7.  The best reason – it is mine to do whatever I would like to do with it.
Now that I have begun to plan my days through writing those things which are integral to balancing my multiple priorities, I find that I have experienced days of productivity.  I have used it for two days now and I find that I can at least identify what I accomplished each day and celebrate small achievements.  Over the last two days, I have had less guilt regarding what I should have done and more appreciation for what I DID DO.
Looking forward to using my planner each day.  I am choosing to embrace the belief that organized thoughts and notes will lead to organized days which will lead to continuous accomplishment of goals.
Til next time,
“The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.” – Walt Disney