One of the quotes I have heard spoken many times is “I’m blessed and highly favored.” This statement exudes appreciation for the things & people we have and awareness that positive things are on the horizon.
It has been my experience that the mind set which comes with making that statement, calms the spirit of uncertainty or anxiety. Unfortunately that calm only lasts as long as we allow it. Self-control determines the duration of the calm, and a lack of self-control leads to a precarious balancing act of problems and grief.
There are a few things which signal a loss of control but the most frequent is anger. Feelings of anger make it difficult to think clearly, talk logically, and recognize blessings. Anger removes rationality and replaces it with… Well the best way to explain what anger does is with this quote from Toni Morrison “Anger … it’s a paralyzing emotion … you can’t get anything done. People sort of think it’s an interesting, passionate, and igniting feeling —- I don’t think it’s any of that —- it’s helpless … it’s absence of control —- and I need all of my skills, all of the control, all of my powers … and anger doesn’t provide any of that —- I have no use for it whatsoever.”
Ms. Toni had the right idea. We need to remember that giving in to anger means we are not willing to utilize our skills, control, or power. Let me type that again, we willingly give up our skills, control, and power. I see you shaking your head and saying to yourself that it is easy to type/read but a lot harder to do. I hear it! I live it! I believe it! But, I give in to anger too.
Hello, my name is ______ and I gave in to my anger.
Now that we have gotten that statement out the way, let’s get back to why this matters to you, The M.I.D.A Project readers. Because as Jim Rohn states, “When you know what you want, and want it bad enough, you will find a way to get it”. When we are angry, we lose sight of what we want and we become focused on the person or situation which contributed to the anger.
So here is the formula I plan to implement the next time I feel my anger fight for control:
1) Aim – Be like the archer: Aim for the bulls eye in the center of the target. Your bulls eye is the activity you partake in that allows you to relax and regain control. Your target is the goal you are working to obtain.
2) Need – One of your needs was not met. That is the true reason for your anger. After you have regained control of yourself, identify how you can met this need for yourself in the future. This puts the responsibility for controlling the situation back in your lap.
3) Gratitude – Give yourself permission to take a minute and think about what your blessings. Everyone has at least one thing to be grateful even if it is as simple as life, the ability to read, or access to a technological device that lets you read this post. (I am extremely grateful for your tech access).
4) Remember & return – Remember you are worth a million dollars but only if you return your focus to your dreams. Anger pulls you off course and the time you spend being angry will keep you from making that million dollars.
5) You – The only person you can change is yourself. That is the only person you have control over. Trying to change others is a waste of time and you need all your time to focus on your dreams.
“Anybody can become angry — that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.” ― Aristotle
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”― Mark Twain
Here’s hoping we all learn to conquer anger so that we don’t find ourselves in danger of losing out on achieving our dreams.
Til next time,
“Action expresses priorities” – Mohandas Gandhi